Men Do Not Want Children
If I Say “I Love You” Will You Be Reassured?
“I love you”, the most blessed expression of all. It says everything and nothing at once. Get your scalpels out, let’s see what it’s made of! What are we trying to say with the L word? An infinite number of things, right? Is our vocabulary so weak? Why don’t we simply state what is, instead of using this catch phrase? This hackneyed phrase is losing all meaning in expressing what I truly feel. Telling someone “I love you” does not express what I feel. Ironic, isn’t it? Despite thinking that I’m intimate with someone, I can’t be honest and tell her what I feel at any given time. It’s more than likely that I’m also lying to myself. It’s like we’re swimming in shark-infested waters telling ourselves, “Oh, look! Did you see the beautiful colours on this coral! I can’t believe my eyes!”
Communicating and exchanging with others creates an inner space that we’ll refer to as bearings. I’ll use these bearings to check if the other person’s properly following the conversation and the notions I’m expressing. We must constantly clarify things in order to avoid misinterpretations. To play fair, I must first be clear with myself, and in touch with what I truly feel to express my feelings and emotions. I must do this as often as possible, time and time again. What I feel changes constantly and I cannot stay alert if I join the crowd that clamours hackneyed phrases such as “I love you.” My mood determines how I feel – sad, happy, angry, delighted, etc. This energy flows throughout my whole being – body, heart and cells – and not just my mind.
Although my true nature – my soul – is infinite love, for now, I haven’t reached that state. When I am in a relationship, I listen to my needs. And needs are animalistic. We’ve associate this need with the concept of “love” and we keep ratifying it. True love and fulfilling a need are two very different things. Have you noticed that you “stop loving” when you’re angry? Such love is conditional. “I love you when you fulfil my needs. When you stop, then you can go to hell!”
To me, saying “I love you” is a way to fix everything. It’s a way to buy some time, magical thinking if you will.
Expressing real emotions and feelings takes courage and a lot of deep introspection. This requires time to carefully listen to what my “heart” has to say and pay attention to how my body responds to what I’ve heard and perceived. Then, I need to put these feelings into words in order to share them with someone else. “I love you” is nothing but an old unconscious and thoughtless reflex devoid of meaning and which only causes misunderstanding, disappointment and frustration. These things are inevitable as the L word is fraught with expectations.
Deep inside, I can feel that I’m using this cliché expression as a panacea and as a way to protect myself. When in a relationship, I repeat it over and over again, as if it were a protective charm preserving me from having an unfaithful partner. This easy mantra acts as a proof of love set in stone. How many people did you say it to? How many said it to you? Avoiding to speak the truth allows us to hide, mask, cloak, appease and smother doubts and pain – it saves you a lot of suffering. This way of surfing without making waves keeps people in a confined space, a binary world, a fragile bubble of glass. As soon as anyone “strays,” trust is shattered and the bubble bursts.
